When getting to know a potential lover, you do not want to mess it up. Also, things do not always go as well as expected during this stage; it can go south quickly, especially if there are no strings attached or expectations set out.
Ey, dating is hard work. Trying to find someone compatible can be frustrating. I don’t know how often I have bid farewell with this line, from Erykah Badu: “I think I will see you next lifetime. No hard feelings.” LOL!
Of course, sometimes I wonder if I let the frog jump out of the pot too early. It is great to know what you want and say ‘no’ to something that feels slightly off. How are you single, living alone, but only video calling me while looking cramped up after a long day in your car? No! Respect me, please!
Even though social media may make it seem like there are many options and meeting someone is relatively easy, that is not the case.
I think it has made it more difficult to pass this talking stage. It is easy to lie about pretty much everything.
For some, the talking stage passes the time and entertains. But love is no joke.
If you like someone and let them into your world in an intimate way, you should not be afraid to ask questions and demand answers, even during the talking stage.
If we are talking, indeed, there has to be an ounce of intention there. Let me in on it.
We have put together a list of “talking stage” etiquette:
1. Be honest
We might be only talking, but that does not mean you can lie about who you are. If you are in a relationship or, wait for it…married with nine kids, say so. Don’t lie about your life or who you are. When you are lying, you are deceitful. The other person becomes the ‘fool’ because they are not privy to what you are hiding. Give me the option to decide if I want to be in any arrangement and do what you say you will do.
2. Intention
There is a lot of freestyling going on. People act like they don’t owe each other an explanation. Please, don’t lie about what you want from the interaction. If you want ‘vibes’, say it. Don’t act interested in getting to know someone, their family and dogs, only to ‘vanish’ after the glorious dance – sex.
3. You rush, you crush
A gent once TOLD me we were in a relationship within three days of talking. I didn’t even know his surname, and we had not even met. He was already calling me ‘love’, ‘baby’ in 72 hours. Nope! My brother, you need to rest. The video calls, OMG! Night and day. It felt like I was suffocating or drowning. Usually, when people rush, they want to get something and leave.
4. No favours
People are out here looking for help rather than love. We just met, and already, you are asking for favours. This asking-for-help thing is used to lure people into doing unthinkable things like giving a love interest money. That is why love scams are such a thing. We just met. How am I helping you pay rent or get your business off the ground? No. If anything, your struggles should not be information you gladly share with someone new. Do you really see me or an opportunity?
5. Leave the past in the past
Your past relationships should be left where they belong, in the past. Why are you referring to your then dating life? It is even worse when you bad-mouth your exes.
6. Open up a little
It is not easy for people to open up, especially when it comes to intense conversations such as falling for someone. But how else will you get to know someone if you don’t let them in?
7. Pause the thirst
The unwarranted sex talk can be the end of it. Don’t rush to talk about sex when we’re just getting to know each other. Being sexual in every conversation is a little creepy at times and, to an extent, disrespectful.
8. We are not on LinkedIn
Who are you as a person? Don’t tell me about what you do, how much you make, or how many people report to you. So, if you aren’t talking about work, there is nothing to offer? Not even a joke?
