Lobola negotiations/ Picture: X(formerly Twitter)
Social media is always filled with some sort of controversial banter that splits the public. This time, social media users continue to go back and forth about a scenario involving a man who refuses to pay his girlfriend’s lobola on the premise that she wants a double-barrel surname.
One thing about social media, there is never a dull moment, as users have gotten used to recycling the same conversations revolving around relationships and love (umjolo) including who sits in the front seat between the girlfriend and mother, or who cooks the pap at a braai, and even the much-dreaded going 50/50 on finances in a relationship.
These are the conversations that have the youth constantly bickering back and forth, which has become concerning for some, because it has revealed that men and women might not be on the same page when it comes to relationship dynamics. As women continue to advocate more for themselves, research indicates that young South African men are adopting a more conservative approach, which might explain the discrepancies.
Recently, X(formerly Twitter) user @kuanele took to her page to share an interesting matter that she had come across on the radio. According to this user, an unknown couple has put getting married on hold due to a clash in opinion as he wants her to take his surname, but the girlfriend, who is a doctor, wants to double barrel for professional reasons.
As expected, this post has garnered an overwhelming response as users flock in to express their opinions and personal beliefs on the matter.
the chat on the radio rn. chat is that a couple has put getting married on hold bc he wants her to take his surname but she wants a double barrel bc of she’s a doctor. she’s the first dr in her family so she wants to keep that name.
— leparagadi. (@kuanele_) March 4, 2025
On one side, users have condemned the girlfriend for choosing her career and profession over her relationship and family. According to these users, the man is better off alone, as the girlfriend will never respect him and allow him to be the head of the family. Furthermore, these users argue that if the woman is not willing to take her husband’s surname, then the lobola should be scraped completely, as it defeats the whole point of the process.
Let’s go 50/50 on lobola then, since you want a double-barrel surname.
— Yes! Do it, Seth!! (@_Percyval) March 5, 2025
If she doesn’t want to take your surname , just don’t pay lobola and do that entire process.
It’s really so simple. Nothing to argue about.
Remain gf and bf.
— Champagne Pipi (@Kokoleo_zn) March 5, 2025
tbh i’m not paying lobola for someone that wants to double barrel, let’s go to home affairs and call it day
— — don (@dracosrevenge) March 5, 2025
The opposing side, however, argues that this should not be an issue for the couple, as lobola only seeks to join the respective families into one, rather than it being a change in ownership as the opposing side has viewed it. These users rally behind the girlfriend, claiming that she is well within her rights and makes a valid point to want to double barrel.
These users argue against the mentality that lobola equates to ownership. Furthermore, they dispell the surname conversation by highlighting that changing surnames was not something true to culture, as women were referred to by the maiden surname even in marriage. These users use Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma and Noeleen Maholwana-Sanqu as examples of powerful women who married powerful men but opted to double-barrel.
in nguni culture anyway, lobola is unrelated to who takes whose family name. women did not take their husband’s family name anyway – they continue to use their maiden name.
lobola is a gift from one family to the other – it’s definitely not a give-and-take transaction. https://t.co/UgqtUGGgsR
— Nipho Madondo (@niphomadondo) March 5, 2025
lobola was an ancient practice that symbolized the exchange of strengths between two families. rather than a transaction, it was a gesture of respect, care, and mutual recognition, where the groom’s family offered gifts that reflected their character, skills, and heritage. https://t.co/oPU31ZWje1
— pearlmaunye (@pearlmaunye) March 6, 2025
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