Financial abuse involves one partner controlling or limiting the other’s access to money, resources, or independence, often to maintain power and control.
While it can begin subtly, over time, it can become more obvious. Here are the main signs:
1. Control over finances
One partner controls all financial decisions, managing the accounts and giving the other little to no access to money. The person experiencing financial abuse may be given a set amount of money and must ask for more when needed. Financial decisions are made without any consultation or involvement.
2. Preventing you from earning
Your partner discourages you from working, going to school, or advancing your career. They might interfere with your job by showing up unexpectedly, calling frequently, or distracting you. They may convince you that you aren’t capable of managing a career or that you should rely on them financially instead.
3. Taking or misusing your money
Your partner may take control of your earnings, deposit your paycheck into an account you can’t access, or open credit cards or loans in your name without permission. This kind of behavior often leads to debt being accumulated under your name, which can damage your credit and financial future.
4. Lack of transparency
You may not be made aware of how finances are managed. Your partner might hide bills, investments, or other financial matters from you. When you ask questions, they react with anger or guilt, making it difficult to have an open conversation about money. Over time, you might feel anxious or scared to bring up the topic.
5. Using money to control
Money becomes a tool for manipulation. Your partner may use finances to punish or control you, such as withholding money as a form of punishment or making you feel guilty for spending money on anything for yourself. Threats to cut you off financially if you don’t comply are also common in financially abusive relationships.
6. Early red flags
Financial abuse may begin subtly at first. For example, your partner may insist on paying for everything, using it later to control or guilt you. They might convince you to quit your job because they want to “take care of you,” only for that to be used against you later when you become financially dependent.
What you can do
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Document Everything: Keep records of financial transactions, accounts, and any manipulative or abusive behavior. This documentation may be helpful if you decide to seek help or leave the relationship.
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Build Your Own Financial Independence: If possible, open a separate bank account or credit card in your name only, especially if you suspect financial abuse.
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Reach Out for Help: Contact domestic violence organizations or financial counselors who specialize in situations involving financial abuse. Many of these organizations offer resources to safely navigate these situations.
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Make a Plan: If you are thinking of leaving, work with a trusted person or professional to create a plan that ensures your financial security and safety.
If you’d like additional advice on building financial independence or how to safely leave a financially abusive relationship, feel free to ask.
