According to this new research which claims a person takes “half of the time of the relationship to heal from it.”
In March of 2025, a study was conducted by researchers Jia Y. Chong and R. Chris Fraley, IN Social Psychological and Personality Science, which constituted over 300 participants on a timeline of how long it takes to fully detach their feelings from their former partner– the results were astonishing.
Emotional Imprinting
According to a renowned anthropologist, Helen Fisher, an fMRI research was conducted in 2005 that showed that love activates the brain’s reward system, releasing hormones such as dopamine, oxytocin and norepinephrine. Chemicals associated with feelings of attachment, joy and motivation– somewhat similar to a drug addiction. This is a potent cocktail of neurotransmitters. When a relationship ends, the abrupt loss of these emotional “hits” can cause a kind of withdrawal. This is the reason why you hope for their message to pop up, replaying pictures and even resisting closure. Strange things, such as the scent of your partner, can also trigger emotional memories because they are tied to neural pathways. The peace that they have left you or that you are no longer with them can take years to build up
Breakups can leave us with countless unresolved memories, a strong desire for closure, depression, and impending anger that will let the person grow. This non-linear grieving explains why someone might seem just “fine” for months and then suddenly go down the drain of the spiral.
This research explained theKubler-Ross stage model of grief, which says:
Denial: Refusing to believe that special someone is no more in your life.
Anger: the pain transforms into Anger. Blaming them for every little mistake. Raging over how you were treated. Which does not let the wound heal.
Bargaining:people tend to go over situations and conversations over and over again. Thinking what could they have done differently to avoid this situation they are in today.
Depression: Hopelessness creeps in. The heavy feeling starts to weigh upon you. This is when the reality finally sets in.
Acceptance: People start to come to terms with this, accepting the fact that this is the end of their relationship.
Identity fusion
While you are in a relationship, it is no more “me” and “you”, it turns into “we”. Over time, people share decisions, values and even goals, and this is how you evolve as a couple. When that relationship comes to an end, the sense of self that was once tied to that union may be lost. Over time partners become an extension of one another in terms of opinions, goals and emotions. This solely turns to the formation of an identity crisis: Who am I without this relationship? Old habits die hard– you might find yourself responding to situations based on old relationship patterns.
Healing takes time– and that is okay
If , years from now, you’re still wondering about your ex. It doesn’t take long for emotional connections to unravel, particularly ones made through love. Be gentle with yourself, embrace the process, and believe that healing—however slowly—is nonetheless forward
