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Growing up with emotionally immature parents can shape your view of relationships and yourself in ways you might not even realise. Maybe you’ve always felt like you had to take care of their feelings, or perhaps you noticed they struggled to handle conflict.
The effects of this kind of upbringing often show up later in life, leaving you feeling unsure or emotionally neglected. But how do you know if this is your story? Relevant publications detail the subtle yet telling signs that you were raised by emotionally immature parents and how it may still be affecting your life today.
Emotionally immaturity of parents can manifest as a lack of emotional self-awareness and empathy, resulting in unpredictable behaviour and a focus on their own needs over their child, states Very Well Mind. These individuals are said to often exhibit unpredictable behaviour and struggle to manage their emotions.
Symptoms of emotional immaturity include struggling to manage feelings and behaviours, reactivity, putting one’s feelings first, over-control, temper tantrums, and reliance on children for emotional support, according to the above source.
Other symptoms of a parent who’s not emotionally mature according to Banner Health include being:
- Defensive
- Self-absorbed
- Grandiose
- Entitled
- Narcissistic
- Unable to respect boundaries
- Lacking in integrity
- Intrusive
- Controlling
Psychology Today mentions that children raised by emotionally immature parents may develop limited empathy, self-centeredness, and rejection. They may also become perfectionists, overachievers, and self-critical, often causing issues in romantic relationships, the publication further states.
“They may become highly anxious, depressed, or emotionally dysregulated adults. They may battle anger problems or may feel disconnected from their emotions—especially vulnerable emotions. This can negatively impact the emotional maturity of their relationships and increase the risk of developing traumatic bonds with romantic partners.”
The Banner Health publication adds that childhood experiences with emotionally immature parents can lead to low self-esteem, doubting thoughts and perspectives, and difficulty understanding emotions. This is believed to result in feelings of being unheard, misunderstood and trivialised.
Also see: How to heal from childhood trauma: Unpacking the mother wound
