couple: picture: pexels
Love is a feeling that defies simple explanation—it can be both exhilarating and grounding, empowering and humbling, often all at once. However, behind the mystery, there are actually four distinct theories that try to unravel what makes love tick.
These theories each take a different view of how love forms, why it changes, and how it affects our health and happiness, exploring these perspectives might just change how you think about love altogether. This is a glimpse of the essence of love through four fascinating lenses.
The Happiful publication states that the social exchange theory is a concept that suggests people assess relationships before entering them, weighing the benefits and risks. It is further mentioned that when the risks outweigh the benefits, people may end the relationship.
This theory is believed to be similar to writing a ‘pros and cons’ list when entering a new relationship. “The diversity of human relationships and behaviour means that we may go through phases of needing more or less from others – with this analytic (though often unconscious) mindset, it’s easy to see how someone might begin to feel resentful if they are ‘giving’ more than they are receiving, or could feel guilty if they are on the other side.”
Filter theory, proposed by psychologists Kerckhoff and Davis in the 1960s, suggests that romantic partners are chosen based on three filters: sociodemographic characteristics, similarity in attitudes, and complementarity. This theory suggests that people seek partners who share similar values and life philosophies, with the importance of these factors varying across cultures.
According to Psychology Today, the attachment theory suggests that children’s romantic relationships are influenced by their parents’ treatment of them as infants. It is explained that reactive parents foster trust and understanding, while less responsive parents may lead to anxiety or avoidance.
“Importantly, people tend to gravitate towards romantic partners with similar attachment styles as themselves. For an anxiously attached person, dating someone who calls multiple times a day or gets jealous easily may make them feel like they are loved and valued. But an avoidantly attached person may be most attracted to someone who checks in infrequently and gives plenty of space for each person to live almost entirely autonomous lives.”
The above source mentions that men and women are attracted to different traits due to historical pressures related to survival and gene transmission. Women are said to be attracted to strong partners with resources to support and defend their families, while men are attracted to physically beautiful, chaste, faithful, and slightly younger partners. This, according to Psychology Today suggests that single people should be upfront about their relationship goals and avoid misleading potential partners.
