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Are you always the one to say ‘yes,’ even when it’s a ‘no’ in your heart? You’re always considering other people’s feelings and never yours? It’s always been important to you that the other person is pleased, even if that doesn’t sit well with you? You are definitely a people pleaser.
Being a people pleaser might earn you smiles and praise, but it can quietly take a toll on your mental, emotional, and even physical health because constantly putting others first can come at a dangerous price.
If you’ve been stretching yourself thin to keep the peace or win approval, it’s time to explore why people-pleasing isn’t as harmless as it seems—and how to break free without feeling guilty. The Johanna Schram publication states that people-pleasing tendencies are caused by a belief that who we truly are isn’t good enough, and even if we gain acceptance, it only tells us that we performed well enough. People-pleasing can also hinder true connection in relationships, as we become self-absorbed in our focus on others’ expectations and reactions, preventing us from feeling seen and known, the publication adds.
According to Very Well Mind, “While you might actually enjoy helping, you are also bound to experience frustration when you are doing things reluctantly or out of obligation.” It is further stated that devoting mental resources to others may also result in less willpower to tackle personal goals, as willpower and self-control may be limited resources.
People are not always grateful, and pretending to be someone you are not for them is a form of manipulation that can lead to heartbreak and avoidance of connection with others, states The Crappy Childhood Fairy.
The publication further mentions that people-pleasing doesn’t win real love, and if you don’t like yourself enough to be yourself, others might find you draining to be around.
Also see: The heart knows where home is: Understanding home sickness
