The stages you go through are pretty predictable, and knowing what to expect can help you cope more effectively.
1. Ambivalence
You are already in a tug-of-war in your mind before the breakup: Should I stay, or should I go? On the one hand, there is the memory of happy moments, hopes of change, or the flicker of the possibility that things could get better. Then comes reality: problems that cannot be ignored anymore. This stage is full of doubt and confusion, a real emotional rollercoaster. If you feel stuck, talk it out with friends whom you trust, or write about your feelings in a journal. This clarifies what you really want and enables you to move ahead with confidence.
2. Euphoric recall
The breakup occurs and, coincidentally, everything about your ex seems perfect now. You start remembering all the good things: how funny they were, how sweet they could be. It’s easy to forget why you broke up in the first place. The void that is created when a relationship dies, the vacuum that a person leaves when they leave our life, is something that cannot be replaced. But it’s natural to miss him, a person whom you spoke to every day, a person who was your priority number one, a person who was always around to look out for you, a person who was the shoulder you cried on, a person who was the face that made you smile and forget all your worries. But the reality is that it “was”. The present may seem painful, sometimes even unbearable, without them, the future may or may not bring the same emotions and intensity back.
3. Denial
You might find yourself thinking this can’t be happening, or you might be desperately hoping that this is merely a phase. Denial is an instinctive defence mechanism by your mind, trying to safeguard you from the rupture pain. You might keep texting your ex or imagining they’ll change their mind. Although this is a natural response, staying in denial delays healing. Start accepting the reality—limit contact with your ex, avoid stalking their social media, and let yourself have the breathing room to grieve. Only then can you start to move on.
4. Emotional shutdown
When the emotional weight of the breakup feels too heavy, your mind might push you into a state of numbness. You go through the motions of daily life, but it all feels distant. It’s like you’re living in a fog, disconnected from your feelings. This is how your mind is trying to protect you from the ache of pain that grief would bring. Take as much time as you want, but remember: emotional shutdown is temporary. Allow yourself to eventually feel the pain so you can heal.
5. Anger
Once the reality of the breakup sets in, anger can quickly take over. You may be angry at your ex for their behaviour or even angry at yourself for letting things get to this point. You might replay old arguments or feel bitter about things that happened during the relationship. Anger is a normal and healthy emotion, signalling that you are processing the end of something important. Use that anger as motivation to take care of yourself—whether it’s hitting the gym, journaling, or venting to a friend. Just don’t let it consume you.
6. Bargaining
After the anger fades, you may find yourself thinking, What if I had done things differently? In the bargaining stage, you might convince yourself that you could change your behaviour or that if your ex changed theirs, things could work out between you two. You may even try to get back together, offering to compromise on things you once found non-negotiable. That is all part of the healing process but remember: You broke up for a reason. Keep your boundaries firm, and be honest with yourself about what you truly want.
7. Guilt
Guilt often creeps in after a breakup. It’s normal to question yourself and wonder if you made a mistake or if there was something you could have done differently. Thoughts such as ‘What if I had pushed harder? What if I hadn’t said that?’ can go through the mind. It’s easy to blame yourself for the end of the relationship, but guilt won’t help you heal. Be gentle with yourself, and remember that breakups are often complicated. Focus on what you’ve learned from the experience and let go of the “what-ifs.”
8. Anxiety
The fear of the unknown can trigger anxiety after a breakup. You might be scared of being alone forever, or uncertain about how to navigate your life without your ex. Worries about your self-worth and future relationships can overwhelm you. It’s natural to feel this way, but try not to let anxiety take over. Rebuild your life, in small steps-look for hobbies, self-care, or even the things that make you happy. The future is bright and full of possibilities.
9. Sadness
Grief hits hardest at this stage. You are not sad for losing your ex but for losing a future that was built in your mind with that ex. You might feel like you’re living in a fog, withdrawn and emotionally drained. Let yourself feel the sadness, but don’t let it define you. Reach out for support from friends or family or seek professional help if it becomes too much to bear. Grief is a necessary part of the process, but so is moving through it at your own pace.
10. Relapse
You may end up reconnecting with your ex after an initial breakup and then continue to fall back into old patterns. The relief is short-lived, and the same issues soon resurface. This stage is confusing; it could feel nice to make contact, but then you remember the reason for a reason. Before considering reconciliation, take a step back and reflect on why things ended. Repeating the cycle without resolving the root issues is just postponing the inevitable.
11. Acceptance
Eventually, you reach a point where the emotional storm starts to calm. Acceptance doesn’t mean you’ve gotten over the break-up, but you start to accept the fact that it is done and that you can no longer push back against reality. This stage is about peacemaking peace with the past, with yourself, and with the fact that your relationship is a chapter that’s closed.
12. Hopefulness
As the fog lifts, you start to feel hopeful again. The anguish of losing your partner is less sharp, and you start seeing new aspects of life ahead. The future doesn’t seem so bleak. This stage begins to mark your personal growth like reestablishing yourself or opening to new relationships. Yes, you may not be fully healed yet, but you are certainly moving forward with the optimism of hope.
13. Forward motion
Finally, you’re moving on. You went through the work of processing your pain, learning from the experience, and embracing a new life. There may still be tough days ahead, but you’re no longer stuck in the past. You’re actively building a future that doesn’t revolve around your ex. With a renewed sense of self and a clearer vision of what you want, you’re ready to take on the world—and you’re stronger than before.
Breakups are hard, but they’re also a great opportunity to learn and grow as a person. Whether it’s healing from the pain, finding new strengths, or gaining clarity on what you really want in a relationship, every step of the breakup process gets you closer to a brighter future. Stay strong- you got this.
